Origin and history of promise rings

Our life is full of promises. Many of them are quite routine: you promise to pick up someone at the airport, help a friend or sibling with a school project or volunteer to buy some groceries on the way from work. In fact, some of our promises are implied and unspoken. We build our lives around them. There is also a special kind of promises. They are meant to last a long time or even for as long as we may live. Such promises can also mean a great deal to a person who benefits from them, as they are to the promise-keeper. It is only natural that a long time ago mankind developed the practice of offering tokens that serve as reminders of such important promises. It only seems fit that rings – valuable in themselves – were chosen as the ultimate token of human promises.

There is no reason to doubt that the use of rings as tokens is as ancient as the custom of wearing rings. This included, of course, lip rings, neck rings, nose rings, anklets, bracelets and ear rings – all known to be in use from prehistoric times. The custom of wearing rings on one’s fingers was much less common in primitive societies. This may be explained by the fact that a ring on a finger (unlike a nose-ring, for instance) can easily interfere with mundane tasks. A finger ring is often seen as an Egyptian innovation, but even the civilization of Ancient Egypt did not owe this invention to the tastes and leisurely life style of its wealthy members. Instead, rings, in form of signets, were used so seal documents, thus insuring their authenticity. This possession of such a ring indicated authority and power. As a result, rings quickly rose to the status of jewelry. Many beautiful rings from that era can be found in museums. It is unclear, however, whether Egyptian rings were ever employed as tokens.

Among the Ancient Greeks, however, the very origin of finger rings was connected with the idea of a pledge and keeping something constantly on one’s mind. After Zeus released Prometheus from the never-ending torture in the mountains of Caucasus, the rebellious god had to wear a finger ring forged from the links of his iron chain, “adorned” with a piece of the rock to which he had remained chained for centuries. This certainly sounds like an early promise ring with a simple message: I shall respect the will of Zeus!

Another variation of promise rings – betrothal rings – was well known in Ancient Rome. Anulus pronubus was composed of two rings having oval plates with the engraved names of the betrothed couple. These rings were originally made out of inexpensive iron, but eventually it became legal for all Roman citizens to wear gold rings.

Posie rings had their peak of popularity in England during the 15^th, 16^th and 17^th centuries. They were often used as tokens of love, affection and the prospect of marriage. These rings are known for the charming short love poems that were usually inscribed on the outside or on the inside. The quantities of the rings that have been preserved indicate that posies were quite affordable.

Memorial rings were once popular among people who wished to be remembered after death by their friends and relatives. Shakespeare, for instance, bequeathed rings to a number of his friends.

Interestingly, the very term promise ring appears to be rather recent. Some people claim that it is only a decade old. The earliest instance I could locate was in a 1970s dictionary of jewelry.

Promise Rings: Modern Types and Traditional Meanings

It is important to understand that the uses of promise rings can be both traditional and extremely creative. The promises that people give to each other vary quite a bit. If you ever feel that certain promises are significant enough to have a ring associated with them that alone constitutes a case where a promise ring is appropriate. Having said that, here are the most popular uses of promise rings:

• Pre-engagement – many couples feel that there is a step in their relationship when an engagement is still far away, but the sense of commitment is already quite strong.
• Purity rings – the most recently introduced variation of promise rings, also referred to as chastity rings. These rings indicate the wearer’s desire to abstain from sexual activities (the limits are variously defined). They can be given by a parent, in which case it is not uncommon to have a simple ceremony followed by the signing of a document that further asserts the agreement between the wearer and the parent/guardian. It is also possible for an individual (most often a teenager) to voluntarily obtain a purity ring and wear it, in order to indicate that he or she wishes to abstain from sex until marriage. Purity rings are intended to be worn until the wedding day, when they are replaced with wedding bands. Originally inexpensive, purity rings have recently evolved in their style and can be often found made out of gold, titanium or platinum. Technically, any ring can be designated as a purity ring. Typically, however, certain inscriptions are very commonly engraved on chastity rings. They are worn both by male and female teenagers alike.
• Promise rings that symbolize an exclusive monogamous relationship – when a couple has no intentions of getting married or engaged, but wants to affirm their strong love and commitment to each other an exchange of promise rings often takes place, or alternatively one of the partners begins to wear such a ring. The style of such rings can approach that of wedding bands, both in the choice of gold and the characteristic use of diamonds.
• Friendship rings – although the emotional importance of friendship rings is understandably not as strong as one associated with romantic relationships, friendship rings have been traditionally common. They may be especially appropriate if a friendship becomes more difficult to maintain because one of the friends has to move etc. Friendship rings do not typically imply exclusivity. Friendship rings are worn by both men and women.
• Promise rings that serve as reminders of a promise to oneself – such rings can be worn in order to preserve the strength of one’s commitment to a personal cause or a crusade. Examples include an individual’s desire to break the bonds of substance abuse, smoking or negative influences and attitudes. Promise rings of this kind can be greatly enhanced by engraved inscriptions that summarize the wearer’s vow.

On what finger do you wear a promise ring?

The most important thing to remember is that in most Western societies the ring finger of the left hand holds the greatest significance, because engagement rings and wedding rings are worn on this finger almost without exception. Therefore, you have to determine how your promise ring correlates with this accepted practice. If you do not mind that your promise ring is mistaken for a wedding band or if the nature of the vow implies strong similarities with engagement or marriage – the choice is simple. Otherwise you can wear the promise ring of the right ring finger. This issue, in fact, can be quite sensitive. If the vows associated with the ring involve another person it is a very good idea to consult with them, using the rule describe above. Any misunderstanding in such cases may be a sign of misunderstood agreements. The rules regarding friendship rings are much more relaxed. They can be worn on any finger, but if the rings match, the fingers on which they are worn might as well be the same. In case at least one of the friends is married or engaged a finger other than the left ring finger should be chosen.

Good luck, and may you keep your promises!

This should explain well enough that the novelty of titanium as a preferred material for wedding rings is largely due to the metal’s qualities. Prior to the recent years titanium simply was to difficult to deal with in consumer products. But the same exact qualities have now made titanium a desirable metal when it comes to the piece of jewelry that most people (even men) wear everyday. Titanium is durable, scratch-resistant and it can be just as attractive as gold or platinum.

The Romans believed that a peculiar virtue lay
in the fourth finger of the left hand, that is, the ring finger;
and their physicians stirred medicines with it. A similar
superstition still obtains in many places in England, where
it is believed that the ring finger, by being stroked across a
sore or wound, can soon cure or heal it.
Many of the bridal ring superstitions are connected with
the wedding cake. Slices of the latter are sometimes put
through the ring nine times and laid under pillows at night,
to cause young persons to dream of their lovers. According
to another custom, a wedding ring is mixed with the
ingredients of the cake, and baked in it. When it is cut,
the person who secures the slice containing the ring will secure
with it good fortune during the ensuing year, and,
should the possessor be a maiden, a suitor and a happy marriage.
At Burnley it is a very common practice at marriages
to put a wedding ring into a posset, and after the
liquor has been served out, the single person whose cup contains
the ring will be the first of the company to be married.
Another custom at this place is to put a wedding
ring and a sixpence into a common flat currant cake. When
the company are about to retire at the end of the day the
cake is broken and distributed among the single women.
She who gets the ring in her portion of the cake will shortly
be married, and the one who gets the sixpence will die an
old maid. In Northumberland divination was practised by
fishing with a ladle for a wedding ring which had been
dropped into a syllabub, the object being to obtain a prognostication
of who should be first married.
Another superstition is, that if a wife should lose her
wedding ring she will also lose her husband’s affection, and
if she should break it her husband will shortly afterwards
die. Many married women will not take off their wedding
rings under any circumstances, because the removal of them
would portend the deaths of their husbands. An old saying
is that, ” As your wedding ring wears your cares will
wear away.”

From The Wedding Day in All Ages and Countries: In All Ages and Countries by Edward J. Wood

In an interview with The Star, John Thompson, director of Birks on Bloor St. W., says that has seen a lot of shy and nervous soon-to-be newlyweds. “I find people take the buying of the wedding bands very seriously,” he says. “The trend now is for something quite plain, and often people have the date and their initials engraved inside – which indicates to me that they intend to wear it a long time, they are taking it seriously, and they want something that they won’t get tired of.”

He added that men are somewhat hesitant about wearing a wedding band, not because of lack of commitment but simply because they’ve never worn a ring before. “A lot of men say it feels kind of strange, and it is their first and only piece of `jewellery.’” (I highlighted the most important parts)

In my opinion, these are very important sociological observations. Most interestingly, if you choose to engrave your wedding rings you are sending a signal to everybody, including your future spouse! The signal that says, “This is a serious thing. We will wear these rings for a long-long time.” The psychological motives behind this may be simple. By creating special memories and unique shared experiences people tend to become closer to each other. Traditionally this is meant to be achieved by having an expensive wedding with many guests. True, this is a sure way to create memories and family ties. We all know, of course, that expensive weddings do not insure against divorces any better than modest ceremonies. Why would a wedding ring engraving create any hopes for a better married life?

As we have already noted, when couples choose to have their rings engraved they display the strength of their commitment. The actual engraved rings reinforce their commitment. While still a part of the wedding ceremony held in public (expensive of not), the traditional exchanging of the rings becomes more intimate and meaningful for the bride and the groom. The memories associated with engraved wedding rings are more personal and enduring than the recollections of a public event that is a wedding. And that’s the reason why engraving your wedding bands has the potential to add lasting value to a relationship.

Now, of course, if you look from this perspective, choosing an inscription for your wedding rings becomes an even more serious task. Wouldn’t it seem that the more personal the message on the wedding rings, the better?

And, speaking of unusual engravings on wedding rings, how does “Lobster” sound to you?

“The Responsibilities of a Bridegroom from a pecuniary point of view commence from the moment of his engagement. He must at once present the bride-elect with an engagement ring. A man of even moderate wealth finds no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring costing from £50 to £100; but a poor man, possessing but a small income, is often put to more expense than he can conveniently afford in the matter of an engagement ring. He knows all the members of the bride’s family will sit in judgment upon it if it is but a poor bauble worth about £10, which is quite as much as he feels he is justified in spending; he knows that both it and himself will be regarded as very mean, or as conveying a not very inspiriting prospect of days to come. The engagement ring worn on the bride’s finger after marriage is a lasting memento, and if a poor one she will not be proud of it — neither will he. Rich men take the brides to choose engagement rings, expense being no object to them; but poor men cannot do this, as the choice might fall on gems beyond their means, therefore they make the choice themselves, according to the position of the families they are about to enter. If the standing is above their own, from a money point of view, the engagement rings have to be chosen in accordance with the jewels worn by members of such families, and a bridegroom would thus spend £40 at least on an engagement ring suitable to a lady so placed.

On the other hand, when men with small incomes marry the daughters of parents of a similar position to their own, the engagement rings given are not costly ones, and a ten-pound note, or even less, would cover the cost of these binding tokens. The wedding rings are within the means of all bridegrooms, be they ever so poor.”